The Power of Invisibility

     So I have a confession, I probably shouldn't share this. Once the secret is out, "Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell." (who doesn't love an 80's movie reference?!) So back to my confessing of a secret superpower that I have. 

Bet you didn't know you knew someone with an actual superpower, didja? Well, I have the power of invisibility. That's right, friends, invisibility is real and I have the ability. 

I have the ability to be standing and talking to someone and here's how it goes: one moment, I'm standing there talking to a person and the next second I'm gone and someone else starts talking to the person I was talking to. It's uncanny! 

Another use for this power: I could walk through a room full of people and not be seen by anyone, kinda like a ghost floating through the room. I've walked between people having a conversation and they didn't even know I was there at all.

          Ok so for the deeper meaning here:

When I was a kid, I used to have a confidence problem. I know you're sayin to yourself, "You? Really?? Nah. Not you." Yeah, once upon a time, this specimen of confidence had issues with that. One reason was there were countless times I was talking to someone, having a full conversation and someone else would walk right in front of me and just start talking to the person I was talking to as if I wasn't there. I was outraged but was so nervous about making a scene that I would just stand there for a few seconds then sneak away, trying to avoid having to confront the rude person who cut me off.

That happened way more than I would like to admit and over time I started thinking it was my fault, like I was talking too much or being too wordy. I know I have a tendency to use many words to express a small thought sat times, which I truly thought was considered rude or something like that. So when I snuck away from those situations, I would feel guilty and in need of repentance. And if the person I was talking to would ask me to finish what I was saying, I'd make an excuse why I had to step away. One excuse was saying I forgot what I was saying, which is crazy ironic because after being diagnosed with at least one major concussion in ly life, I now really do forget regularly.

     And I have done the 'walking through a room without being noticed' thing a lot too. I've had a ton of times throughout my time where I've been asked where I've been and my answer was, "I walked right past you. Like 20 minutes ago...I even waved to you." and they would shrug or argue that I was wrong. Silly me, thinking I would know where I was.

     So this has led me to become very sensitive about being ignored in my teen years, I started doing things like getting crazy haircuts or wearing clothes that were beyond silly just so people would not be able to ignore me. Oh, I guess that would be my second superpower: Passive Aggressiveness! (cue the superpower theme music)

I've lashed out at times at people who accidentally interrupt me or had some rushed reason to interject over the last few years, usually realizing after words escaped me just how irrationally I responded. Which made me react the same way, sneaking off and trying to humble myself and try to stop humiliating myself any more than I already had.

     So here I am, in my 30's. You'd think I would have learned from this revelation. You'd be wrong though, I still have times where I jump at friends who aren't...what's the word? Oh right, friends who aren't perfect. They are human and sometimes do things like speak while I'm speaking or don't realize I'm having a conversation and begin talking and I act as if they just shoved me with intent to bully me. So I guess overall, this is my public and sincere apology to anyone I've treated like an enemy in the last bunch of years.

It's also my acknowledging that I do this and don't like it. I try very hard to realize that about 90% of the time, it's not intentional and I need to treat the situation in the moment instead of reacting to the sum of every interaction that went similar over the 3 decades I've been on this earth.

I'm trying to learn from my mistakes, grow form those situations where I didn't do something I should have and understand myself better. And you know what Homer Simpson says about trying...right?

Words to live by...have a wonderful day.