Fairy tales. We all like them in some way, right? That great romantic story or that perfect shot that wins the game or jumping from a plane and landing on a motorcycle, it's all fairy tales we love imagining ourselves as the hero doing the perfect thing. I do this probably to a fault, I picture myself saying the perfect thing at the perfect time all the time and I regularly imagine scoring the Stanley Cup winning goal in game 7 overtime.
Fairy tales are great and lots of fun but there's a different kind of fairy tale that I talk about when I get upset and refer to them. You see there is this idea of things we're supposed to do and it all seems good and sweet but life usually kicks in and makes that impossible or so out of the realm of possibility that it's at times laughable. I'm going to get into my view on God and society. So here we go.
God:
God exists. You can disagree but there is so much physical and intangible proof that it's crazy to act like there is no God at all. But where I have a problem is there is this fairy tale life 'good Christians' are supposed to live that sounds really great, one that is physically possible. The problem I've faced is that real life doesn't allow most or all of that for a lot of people (myself included) There are some rules that you're a good or bad Christian, no drinking or smoking, don't have sex before marriage, don't live with your spouse or future spouse before being married and a plethora of other things that sound really good in order to be a good Christian.
For the people that did these things and succeeded, I applaud you and do not want to endorse you thinking you're wrong or not lucky in any way. I am saying that unless you had a good upbringing and constant support, it's A LOT tougher to stick with this life style, sometimes impossible.
I hit these little or big things that are like: Well that sounds great, I wish I could just live that way...but...the fact is my life doesn't allow me to do that at all. Living with someone before getting married is a big one for me, I have seen first hand people who didn't live together before marriage and they both regret that years into their marriage.
Looking at them makes me think if they lived together for 6 moths or a year before getting married, they would have seen what the real significant other is truly like and they could have avoided the negatives of their life right now.
I've also been in a situation where I basically moved in with someone and had I not done that, I would not have seen the real woman she was and might have proceeded with marrying her. And HO BOY would I have regretted that move! She had the ability to make herself look like something she's not and I would have fallen for the face she put on instead of seeing the real person she is.
Society:
Society too has this idea of things we should do that we 'have to do' in order to be successful such as saving $10,000 before dating someone or getting married (yes, people have told me this is the only way to have a successful relationship).
Another one that is being challenged currently in the right and wrong ways is that being a common heterosexual who lives that perfect normal life. Yeah, it's the ideal situation to just be one of the normal ones but is it as simple as live tat way no matter what? And I'm not even going to get into the 'should I do this and not that?' part of this, it's not about that right now. But for someone who is trans or gay or any of the many other categories that you may agree or disagree with, they don't always have a choice in feeling that way and living that way.
If you've read any of my entries here, you know I'm trans and I have been trying so hard for so long to be one of the masses in that way. I've tried to be "one of the guys" so hard for so long that I came to a point where I just wanted everything to stop. There isn't an option for me to just fake it till I make it and the more I try the more depressed and suicidal I become.
There's the fairy tale that if I just live the normal life, over time I'll be okay with it and won't disrupt anyone else's life and I'll be happy and become a Stepford human in a sense. The only problem is that's not working...at all. I have always looked at myself as a female who was forced to wear boys clothes and live as a boy, no amount of anything has changed that in me.
And I know of people who are gay and have come to the point where they are going to either end their life or live in a way that they can be comfortable. It takes so much energy to keep up that facade, that at the end of a random day we can feel like we've been through weeks worth of energy with no relaxation in between. The fairy tale does not work for us, it's like something is broken and in need of repair. Sexuality and gender aren't the only places where society has a 'fairy tale vs real world' force-field up but they are the most polarizing i current events. I often feel the effects of many of them and I'm constantly feeling like the black sheep of society. Which is why this is even on my mind.
Well, I would love other perspectives here. Do you see it as fairy tale vs real life ever? Do you think I'm just wrong? Let me know.
No comments:
Post a Comment