Being a Friend vs. Being Supportive

     So within the last year, I've told many friends that I'm transgender and that I'm going to be transitioning starting very soon. Very big bomb to drop on friends I've known for over 15 years and some people I've known my whole life. Most of the people I told, I had the chance to sit down with them and explain where this all came from. Just about all of them treated me very politely and respectfully, they all acted the way friends should when confronted with a wildly shocking thing about a close friend.

     If the story ended there though, things would just be boring. Amirite? Some of those friends have  embraced the side of me that I just opened up to them, they've given me tips on things and have let me text them and talk 'girl talk' which has been awesome. The feeling of honestly talking about things like makeup , nail polish and things I've always had to hide is life saving. One friend, who is not in support of this decision, even hung out with me one night and talked about what kind of dresses I like and what style I'd want to have if I were to identify as female.

     Other friends have listened and have given me arguments, things like nothing can truly change my gender and all I would be doing is faking or it's against God to try go through with this or that I don't truly want this deep down. They have some valid arguments, some have tried to attack me and drop truth bombs at my feet. I believe I've been respectful to those who have disagreed and I have listened to anyone's opposing thoughts on this subject. I never want to be a person who can't hear opposition even to my strongest opinions. The only way we grow is by being taught and sometimes being told your opinion is wrong, that another thought is right is the best way to learn. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes that comes from jerks who always want to be right.

     The thing about both of those groups of friends, the thing that a lot of people misconstrue is that neither is being a 'bad friend' for being true to themselves. The group of friends that have been supportive have not been bad friends for helping me embrace something that FOR ONCE in my life makes me want to live. And the other sect of friends are not and have not been bad friends for not agreeing with my decision to go through with transitioning. Even if one or both kinds of friends decide to exit my life or to exclude me from their lives, it is their life and they shouldn't have to have me as a friend if it goes against their beliefs.

     I've heard a lot of trans people who have made the point that if someone doesn't agree or support them, they're not real friends. Because real friends support each other no matter what.Real friends support you...no...matter...what...
That sounds great on the surface, makes a great sticker or meme, but the truth is a real friend wants their friend to succeed no matter what, a real friend might risk losing the physical friendship to show their friend the truth. A real friend is a real friend much more than a superficial one. There were times when I wanted to die, I wanted to stand in front of a car or pull a trigger to end myself and there were NO friends willing to support me in that. They were good friends. They told me that was the worst idea I have ever had and they showed me ways to do better, ways to live. They were the definition of real friends. They did not support me no matter what. I'm glad they were real friends.

     My overall point here is that not supporting things friends don't agree with isn't grounds for calling them bad friends or for treating them poorly. And I think this needs to be taught to anyone who is not in the group of what society knows as more common or the awful word, Normal. (the definition of normal is average or standard, typical)