A Milestone, Some Updates and a Move (August 6th 2018)

     So this week a milestone occurred, I'm coming up on a great great event and a move is coming for me very soon. Life updates and more are coming up...right about...wait for it...

Life update:

     I've been watching terrible movie series' and tv shows with my cousin on my projector and even
bad movies are fun when you're watching them on a GIANT screen. It's so easy to get so immersed in whatever we watch.

     And for the milestone, last week I asked my store manager if I could start wearing skirts at work and of course she said it's not a problem at all so I did that day. It felt so freeing and fun to take yet another step toward my goal of living and identifying as a female, as Layla Lee. Since that day, not one customer has said anything negative and a few have complimented my bravery for doing something that isn't exactly completely accepted overall quite yet and some have complimented the skirt. It's cute. <3

     The great event:

In 8 days I'm taking a trip with some friends that I'm so so excited about. We're going to North Carolina, 11 hours away where we'll stay in a cabin and have so much to explore and do and see! I'm so ready for that. And the best part is the trip is in the beginning of a 12 day vacation! I sooo need some paid vacation time.

     And the thing that I'm less excited about is that my landlord is moving and selling the house I've been living in for the last few months. He has  a place for me to rent in a basement so at least I won't be homeless but I will miss it here. I just want to live somewhere comfortably where I can have a washer/dryer, Internet and ability to accomplish my basic needs. Oh and I want to be able to set up my room to be a great theater, of course.

     This week I went to a few thrift shops and
have been starting to build my wardrobe up, I bought a few skirts, a purse and some shirts that are more appropriate for my future instead of my past.

     It's been such an eye opening experience starting to live my life the way I have always felt I should, regardless of what others think. This isn't about sex or about being cool or any other thing than me genuinely having peace in my own skin for the first time. With each step I take, I feel like I am gaining a small piece of myself that I lost before I even got to have it. I truly thank God for allowing me to get to where I am and giving me a chance to have a future that I am absolutely excited about.

     And lastly, lately I've had some thoughts on my mind about what it means to help others and what it means to me to be a help in this world to those who are suffering. So I have encountered many times in the last few weeks/months where someone has treated me rudely or has been angry or has lashed out towards me. I've found myself with a bunch of chances to get revenge on a lot of those same people but chose to try to help them instead. The feeling and fulfillment of the times where those people's day was made better because of me...that was priceless to me. And for the people who didn't respond, it hurts (sometimes so much more than it should) but it's worth it to get to those who need something good to happen. I love that and want to see where that kind of thinking leads me.

A Weekend I'll Never Forget

     So this has been quite the weekend. Emotions were flying and things were absolutely great and really annoying at times and gut busting funny at other times and really sad at times. Where should I start?

     Okay I'll start at the beginning, since you said so.
Thursday was painfully slow but I made it through work and I felt such a relief exhale as I left work, knowing I had FIVE days off after that.  Friday morning came and my friends Nick, Mike and I  went to eat before going to Monster Mania. It was great to spend some time around friends I haven't seen in a while and things seemed to work out for us as we got closer to time to go get our wrist bands for everything.

I kinda made the plan for when we'd get there and because I'm ridiculously early to things, I got us there a while early and we had to kill some time. We did and finally the time came that the event opened up.

     SO before going there, I split up with my group and met up with another friend, Lauren. And this is where things went from exciting to mind blowing. My friend, who has been a humongous support system and she's one of the few people who I truly see as family (in a way that doesn't hurt me), gave me directions to the office she works in and I went there.

Once there, she helped me do my makeup for the first time ever. It was such an emotional experience I could barely contain it all. I got dressed up and discovered that I apparently really like the color fuscia in the process.

          Years ago I bought a pair of high heels, they happened to be fuscia. Then a while later, I found a dress online that I liked and bought it...fuscia. the bra I used was guess what color and the lipstick was the same. None of that was intentional, I just happened to find these things and get them while I was able. I have very little by way of feminine clothes and I've been so afraid to walk into a store and buy things like underwear and dresses so I mostly have been buying stuff online.

Aaaaanyway, Laur helped me get ready and showed me some tips on makeup and I had to hold back tears when I was done. I was so excited and she did such a great job and I was actually going to walk around as Layla. It was so full of emotions before even getting there. We left and went to the hotel (where Monster Mania takes place) and I walked through the front door in my high heels, wearing a pink dress and looking unrecognizable.

     It felt so amazing to walk around as Layla in public, although I learned pretty quickly that the heels I own are too small. But it was worth the pain , as I felt so comfortable being treated the way I feel inside. Spoiler: overall two guys checked me out and that was proof that Lauren's makeup job was perfect. By the way, I'm not gay so I didn't want to be hit on by guys so don't think that has changed; it was only a good thing because my makeup looked real and good...and real good.

     The best part of my entrance was awesome, so I went there with two friends, Mike and Nick. Nick was waiting to pay for food but Mike walked toward me. I was sitting down, charging my phone and I looked right at him as he walked closer. He walked past me, like one foot foot away from me and didn't say anything. I thought he saw me and was ignoring me as a joke or something. I waited a minute or two and stood up, put my heels back on and walked toward where he was. I got close enough to almost be face to face and said, "Hey Mike."

He was in shock and then he said, "Is that you?!" His face was first in awe of realizing who I was and then just laughing. One of my good Friends, who came with me to go there and who knows me very well, didn't realize it was me EVEN when I was right in front of him. IT.WAS.AWESOME.

And after the shock and hilarity wore off, he told me he was proud of me and he supports me; that meant a lot to me.

     I passed by a good amount of friends who I know that didn't recognize me even though I was very close and again that was great proof that my makeup was well done. I loved that. After a while there was a VIP party and it was the most disappointing one I've ever been to. The only good thing was getting to hang out with all 3 of my groups at once for a little bit.

     We left early and I got to say hi to the IT kids (Chosen Jacob, Jaeden Lieberher, Wyatt Oleff, Sophia Lillis and Jeremy Ray Taylor) as they went in, we went back to the hotel and I got cleaned up and we had a blast hanging out; staying up till like 5am. 

Saturday: I don't want to get into the negative stuff because I have a very high respect level for Dave Hagan and the rest of the Monster Mania crew so I'm gonna leave it at this one day, things were not all great.  The one great part was getting to meet an actor who played a large role in my favorite movie of all time.

I got inside and went immediately to the table where Richard Refuse was supposed to be signing autographs and taking pictures with fans, he was on a lunch break and I happily waited there. He got back and was talking about some things that happened on the set of Jaws. JAWS! The very first movie I ever watched...EVER.
He offered me a coke, which I took humbly and then he looked at a staff member behind him and asked if there was a 7/11 nearby. He then told everyone in line that he's buying if anyone wanted anything from 7/11. I was blown away, making sure to keep the coke can he personally gave me.

     So I stepped up when he was ready and I got a laser disc of Jaws signed and then took a picture with him. It was awesome and he was very nice. Just as he was about to go to the next person, I got to tell him Jaws was the first movie I ever watched and it's been my favorite ever since. I thanked him and shook his hand. It was really great to get that chance.

     After all is said and done, I had a decent time and absolutely loved walking around feeling comfortable and less pressure then anywhere else. It was a weekend I'll never forget. It was Layla's first public appearance ever. I gotta send a special thanks to My friends, Lauren, Nick, Mike, my cousin Ryan, my cousin Sean and his fiancee Josie and everyone else who I met or interacted with this weekend. I am so happy I got this chance and can hardly wait to do something like that again soon. <3