So I'm sitting here. Alone, and I don't just man no one else is in the room. I mean alone.
Thoughts about what works change if I died hit me, like...would anyone cry? Would even one personas life change in any way? I'm missing my uncle, my entire existence is different because he's not here, I wish there was someone who would care the way I care about uncle Mike...but there isn't. There won't be.
In fact, no one would actually care. I mean I get it, if a human dies it's sad. If a human you connect with online passes away, you say "I'm so sorry to hear that." Or "they'll be missed" and then it's back to life as usual.
I'm not much more than one like on a video or picture, which is worth almost nothing most of the time.
The only ones that would have an emotion about me doing tonight would be the ones that are already dead. Because I'm 'saved' like I found a secret entrance into paradise and God second guesses that he offered that to "everyone" because things like me get in even though I'm unwanted.
It makes me think, is heaven gonna have some secluded island that's technically still part of heaven but just on the edge between heaven and hell? Like I'll get the leftover trash food that everyone else got to enjoy when it was still good, last month or something like that.
And like everywhere will be pearly white but the cloud land I'll be on will be just on the edge so it'll puck up the grey and dingy darkness that hell sees regularly.
Anna in order for Antoine to come visit me on my island, it'll be kinda hard to get to. So even the ones that are generous enough to invest time eventually just get tired of taking three trip so they stop coming.
And like, I can hear the happiness and exciting music and glasses clinking...and all the sounds of life and love. But I'll look around and the only nearby sounds will be like dropping of rain hitting the edge of heaven and the faint sounds of Satan laughing at me just beyond the border.
...that's about all my imagination can believe right about now.
