My Attitude Needs Help

     My attitude is one of my weak points, something I try to change but have the most trouble dealing with. Let me back up by explaining that I have tried to genuinely look at my flaws and work on them, things like laziness or public negativity.

I have moments when I don't realize what I sound like or what my attitude shows other people about me till after I think about it later:

     Sometimes, I turn from normal person into incredbly pretentious, pompous, higher than thou stupid. I remember a time when I was playing hockey with some kids in Philly, they brought me to a rink and it was awful. There were divets in the poor concrete surface, the nets had holes, the chainlink fence around it was warped and clearly in need of repair at least and that was just what I thought the first moment I got there.

We played for a while and theywere pretty good at things like jumping over the holes in the ground and maneuvering around the fence warps, unlike me who got caught up in all of those imperfections (which had me frustrated) At the time, I looked a lot worse than I actually was and I kept saying to the person who invited me that I wish we could get them to the rink I usually played in then.

I said a few times to him that my rink is so much better and I can play so much better [than I did that day]. He laughed with me and we played for a few hours, having a pretty good time with inner city kids who really love the game.

After everyone left, the person who brought me there (who is not currently a friend but was at the time) sat with me and pointed out that the kids thought I was a tool bag for saying the stuff I said. I didn't even think of my words the way I sounded, I was trying to ask them if they would play at my
 rink because it was nice and I could probably find a way to get them there. But looking back, I understood how it looked to the kids who lived in that ratty city and did the best with what they had.

I felt bad for possibly discouraging kids who loved the game of hockey and kids who already had enough negativity in their lives, it sounded like I was insulting them or their rink and that's not cool with me. It's a moment I wish I could go back to and redo because my attitude sucked.

I have had other times where I wasn't satisfied with whatever my situation was and my attitude made me sound like I am better than anyone else, which I am very much not better than anyone...at all.

I also have trouble keeping my temper and attitude when I know am doing more than those around me, especially in situations where I think I would be repremanded for doing what those around me are doing. I've been surrounded by people who work hard and refuse to be lazy for a long time now, some of my best friends have taught me not to let others do what I can do in work situations and sometimes my attitude gets much worse when I see coworkers or people being lazy when everyone alound them is working hard.

Now this cvan be a good thing, I work hard and make sure to say something to soeone being lazy. That's good, right? Tell'em! Right? Well as much as that can be good, I sometiems realize I use that
and gho too far or don't know the whole situation. Like in the scanario of friends working together, I may not know that the seemingly lazy friend wasn't feeling good or had been working all day already and was there graciously giving their time to help. They don't deserve to be told to get up and work from me.
These are just a few examples, I really do try to acknowledge that I have flaws when I see them and change them over time.

And with that said, I want to acknowledge that I have attitude issues that I need to work on. I know I need to stay calm over things that are not worth meltdowns. I have bene having meltdowns over stupid stuff lately and I need to find a better way to get over them. Now the background may be deeper than whatever I'm upset about BUT I still need to calm down.

I wrote a diary entry recently about this and after going through it and writing about it and talking to a close friend about it, I am recognizing both sides of the entire situation:
     *One side of it was a very deep seeded and real problem that I need prayer in and I need to find a way to work through. My doubt of God and my doubt of things ever going well for me (because I have this therory that I'm just plain cursed)
     *The other side is that the events that went on that night were not worth me nearly losing my voice from yelling and growling at everything and anything that went wrong, big or small.





     I'm not good at taking on a lot of things at once so while I have many attitude flaws, I'm going to be working on this specific character trait. My goal is pray about it and try to get to the root of why I feel the way I do about God and also to try to find a solution to that root issue. And as for the practical aspect, I want to recognize when I'm going from upset to meltdown and try to find a way to stop the explosion before it gets to a point of no return. I am looking for advice or examples from friends on what you do to calm yourself down a tthose points before erupting in yelling or cursing or whatever.

Have a wonderful day