So...my Monster Mania experience was cut slightly short and it's all over now...what am I supposed to do now? No really, tell me; I have no idea what I'm gonna do to get to next week and the week after.
It's hard for me to get motivated to get through the hour and the day and the week so I try to give myself little goals that usually work when I have something to look forward to that's within some kind of reach.
Right now I have a wedding I'm in this April, the August Monster Mania to look forward to and those are pretty cool (although each has a downside that kinda makes them a little bittersweet in a small way) but they seem so out of reach during this very hour. I'm not good at saying, "Well next year my tax money will come and I'll be able to legally change my name...I just gotta wait til then...312 days away...that's all..." It might as well be twenty six years away, that's how I feel today.
So I am trying to calm myself down (hormones are NOT helping this part of me) and find little things to prize myself with in the meantime. One thing I like to do is come up with lists, sometimes silly ones like:
What's the sweatiest movie? (Stole this from the first episode of Cheers)
1. Rocky 4
2. Rambo 3
3. Ben Hur
4. Cool Hand Luke
And others help me figure out what I have to do like:
What future plans am I passionate about?
1. acting2. writing/script writing
3. drawing
4. photography
5. Trans issues and politics
6. hockey/Flyers hockey
7. pretty things/making things pretty
And some are for organization:
What are my future goals?
1. To legally change my name
2. Travelling
3. writing a script or book
4. Work on breaking things that cause anxiety and depression
5. Surgeries and laser hair removal
6. working out/eating better
7. inventing something
These things help the fact that I'm feeling lonely at the moment. I'm trying to fight any of the negativity that comes with loneliness. If you pray, pray for that. Thanks.
xo
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