An Update and a Bright Future! I'm Hoping for it

     So it's been a minute or two...I haven't had Internet access to post but I have a day to get online so here I am.

I've been through a bunch since last time I posted, I'm not even sure where to start. Let's see (thinking about where I was when I posted last) . . .

     Well, I quit my job after some absolute garbage went down with my former bosses and had about 3 weeks off before getting a new one; a MUCH better one. I get paid a bit more and I don't have to be a cashier! I joined a gym that's RIGHT next to work, making it so easy to go from work to the gym every weekday.

     Aaaaand the most fun news I have is I'm taking a vacation, a real one. As of Friday May 17th 2019 in 25 days, I'm going with two people to HAWAII!!!!! And I could not be more excited!

I've never taken a real vacation so this is really big for me. We're gonna visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial, see Waikiki Beach, swim with sharks (in and out of a cage), climb a volcano and go to as many luaus as possible!

 My cousin and I have planned a few trips that ended up not working out for mostly money reasons but this time we planned it out and have already paid for everything over the last year so it's set and we just have to make it through the next 25 days...sounds easy, right? Yesterday felt like 4 days long.

Life update:

     I've been really working at my depression, the quitting my old job was a big, yet scary, step.
Getting my health insurance back so I can get back on the meds I need is a great next step and the gym has been helping depression issues in a way.

     Now for the not so good part of this fight, it hasn't been all great in the last few months. I go through phases where I hide from everyone or can't seem to speak out when I need someone around or I don't have anyone to talk to. A few weeks ago, I went through the scariest night in a long time, I was hurting over things and I'm typing this now feeling so far from that night because if I had a way to end myself, I would have.

I was ready to give up and if I had a gun or something like that...I was so numb from emotional pain that I would have followed through with almost anything. It took me about two days to come down from that and I don't even know quite how I came down from that terrifying ledge. God only knows and I thank HIM for not letting me find a way to end myself that night.

I am trying to show myself that I

have a future to look forward to and think about the things I have in my life to enjoy/the people who have stuck by me through so much.

Future plans:

     Well, my trip to HAWAII is coming up then the next big plan is to start my legal name change process. I was going to do it a few months ago but decided to wait till after the trip because I have terrible luck and I was afraid it would affect my passport, which would mess with everything. So that's the next big thing.

Then I'm deciding on either moving to Canada next as my main objective OR taking a very long trip in 2022 (MY year) and then working on my move. That's all very up in the air and can be changed but I do know this: I'm making 2022 the best year ever!

That's about all I got so far, lots of positive things to think about and focus on!

Till next time...